That Nagging Thing Called Self Doubt…
So I know I have been very, very bad lately neglecting this blog. Truth is, I been slowly recovering from my exhausting three month travelling trip (I know, it seemed like ages ago), reorganising my business priorities and just suffering from a very common case of writers block. I think the problem is that so much happened that I am struggling to find something to focus and write about.
So… one thing at a time… My recent teaching trip to San Francisco!
I think self doubt is one of our greatest enemies. Sometimes it’s put in place by our own insecurities and other times we manage to let what someone else say wedge itself into the back of our brain where it constantly tends to resurface at the most inappropriate times.
Think you are not good enough?
That what you are doing just looks terrible?
Felt like you put on a few kilos?
Had someone else point out your flaws?
Spent hours working on something only to have someone point out a mistake that you’ve spent the last hour trying to correct, the first time they lay eyes on it?
Had someone else tell you that your work is good but just not special enough to stand out?
We’ve all been there. It’s normal to doubt yourself and in fact I will go as far as to say it’s a little healthy for you. Who likes to be around an arrogant know it all that does not know when to come back down to earth?
Anyway, I’ve been looking forward to this recent trip to San Francisco for quite some time now. I admit I was also very nervous about it all.
A couple of years ago, I had quite a few people emailing me and asking me if I’d ever teach in the US region because they’d love to learn. So I approached a few cake schools and most of them never got back to me (I’d like to imagine that my mail just went into spam!). Some kindly told me they were fully booked while others pretty much said that although my work was good it was just not ‘special’ enough to stand out in an already crowded and extremely talented market. Granted my work has improved since then but I can tell you it casted a big curtain of doubt over myself for the longest time.
Can you imagine? I allowed passing comments from what essentially are strangers effect me up until the day before I arrived in San Francisco to start class. During the weeks leading up to the classes I kept asking myself if I was going to make a big fool of myself. Now, the reality is, I know it was unlikely but you know, sometimes doubt makes us (or rather me!) think irrationally.
But, you know what? I had the BEST time and met a bunch of amazing, talented and really kind students. This trip meant a lot to me because I finally managed to erase those fleeting doubtful comments and it also helped me to realise that just because someone thinks it, they do not speak for everyone else nor should they have the ability to make me doubt myself. Of course I will always take it with a grain of salt and treat it as feedback 🙂
Thank you to all the students who travelled locally as well as interstate and internationally for the classes at Baking Arts, it really means a lot to me and I’ve enjoyed meeting and hanging out with all of you! Thank you to Richard from Baking Arts who was super organised, made me feel so welcome and for baking us lots of super yummy sweet treats each morning and keeping everyone so well fed! You guys made this first trip to the US so memorable for me and it was so much fun I really was sad to leave. And lastly, a special thank you to Lesley from Royal Bakery for giving me the nudge in this direction 🙂 I owe you one!
Until next year…. 😉 but for now, Happy (early) Halloween from me and Flynn!